I don’t believe we’ve been introduced…
How rude of me. Here I go diving off into writing a blog without telling you who it is that’s writing.
And that brings up a whole bunch of issues for me.
So I’m going to write about them since that’s how this “write everyday about anything” deal that I made with myself (and you, gentle reader) works.
The Big Question: Do I write with my real name, or a pseudonym?
Both have their attractions, and both have their downsides too.
See here’s the funny thing. Anonymity is a bit of a paradox.
On one level, I can be more honest by being anonymous since I can say things I might otherwise censor out.
You see, I’ve been to counsellors and psychologists as a client, and I’ve also trained and worked as a phone counsellor and as a support group facilitator. And, as any participant in therapy will probably tell you, in those situations, people are often able to be more honest with someone who is initially a complete stranger than someone they are close to or who knows them well.
Yes, I know they don’t stay strangers (well, hopefully not!). But there is still that leap of faith when you walk into a room and admit to someone you don’t know that you have a problem, something you may not have admitted to anyone before that moment. Sometimes, not even to yourself.
I know. I’ve done it. Many times. And I’ve also been on the other side too, watching some other wounded soul doing the same. And every time, I’m humbled by the courage of the person doing it, and I feel the warmth of empathy that seeing suffering in another always fill me with.
Sometimes, it brings me to the point of tears, usually when their particular kind of suffering reminds me so much of my own.
When I’m in the role of a support group facilitator, I’m conflicted about whether I should try to hold those tears back. Because I feel that, in all honesty, I’m crying for me and maybe that will detract from the process.
Their time. Their pain.
But maybe that’s a cop out and really I just don’t want to show my vulnerability and actually, I would be more effective and more authentic if I were to show them how I really feel in that moment. I don’t know. It’s hard. Anyway, I’m getting off-track here (I tend to do that).
The paradox (remember that?) is that Anonymity can also mean I can be less honest since no-one can call me on it.
Now, I don’t want to do that here – personal integrity and honesty are very important to me. Perhaps the most important thing. But people might feel I’m being less than honest. As in “if I’m not willing to put my name to what I write, just how honest and authentic am I, really?”. And how can I answer that charge?
I could say “just trust me” but I don’t happen to believe in blind faith myself, so how can one expect it of one’s audience. (As I write this, the irony of the fact that I currently have an audience of one, is not lost on me.)
And I don’t want this to be an issue, otherwise I take the risk that the medium overpowers the message.
So there is a “reconciliation of opposites” possible here. Namely, to use my real name, and at the same time, be as honest as I would be if I had the “protection” of a pseudonym.
And that was just what I was planning to do.
But it’s not that simple.
Whilst I don’t mind anyone tracing my writing back to me, there is the risk than in writing this, I might shine the light on others. I could end up hurting people I care about. And that’s not cool with me.
It all well and good for me to brave the “slings and arrows” of the world, because I want to, but it’s reckless and selfish to not consider the repercussions for others.
I was talking about this with my sister. And she pointed out that I have another “reconcilation of opposites” available that most other people don’t have.
You see, I have two names. The name I was born with, and the name I legally changed it to in my late teens. The reasons why aren’t important right now (well, they’re very important to me but not for this post).
So I’m going to use my born name. It’s both my real name and a form of pseudonym at the same time.
A rather unique solution to the paradox of anonymity. And it just feels right. So, thanks Sis.
This way, I’m not trying to hide, and given we now live in the age of the internet, I’m sure anyone who wanted to figure it out would have no trouble at all. But at least then anyone searching or googling my name (or parts of it) for other reasons is not going to be lead straight here.
And if anyone wants to know my real name, just email me and I’ll tell you.
I just ask you don’t post it here. Not for me, but for the people I care about.
So, anyway I’m pleased to meet you.
My name is Paul.